F is for Friendship
F, the sixth letter of the alphabet, is a little controversial because of the popular F word.
But it has its own repertoire of some empowering words, including the most powerful figure in most people’s lives — Father. But there are a host of other interesting words starting with F — Fun, Freedom, Festival, Freshness, Frankness, Feeling, Flexibility, Focus, Fulfilment, Fellowship, Forgiveness, Fabulous, Fantastic, Fruitful, Fortunate, Faith, and so on.
But my favourite word (favourite is another F word) is Friendship (besides Food, of course.)
Friendship is one of the most precious relationships a person can have. In some sense, it is a bond that’s almost as strong as the bonds of Family (another F word). In some civilizations where the family bond is no longer what it used to be, friendships have become the biggest support system for an individual.
Technically speaking it is a relationship between two people, the basis of which is affection and trust. But many other characteristics are usually present in any friendship -mutual understanding and compassion, enjoyment of each other’s company, trust, and the ability to be oneself, express one’s feelings, and make mistakes without fear of judgment from the friend. In some sense, there is a spiritual connect, a meeting of hearts, one that cannot be described in words (like an X factor) that brings two people together as friends.
In the modern world, many people refer to their contacts in the professional, commercial or political context as friends. But those are relationships based on some kind of material give and take. A true friendship, in my view, is not dependent on what it gives you in terms of commercial or political benefits, but how much you feel at peace, happy and safe when you are with your friend(s).
Friendships hold a different value for us at each stage of our life. In childhood, it starts with a common interest in games, common activities, physical proximity and shared expectations. In adolescence, friendships are defined by shared experiences and frank and spontaneous support for each other. In adulthood, it is the confidence to be oneself, speak one’s mind without being judged, common interests, companionship and trust for each other that defines the friendship. As we get older, we generally tend to retain fewer friends, and it is the bonding and shared experiences of the past that helps us to stay connected. But at every stage, the happiness and sense of security you feel when you are with your friend, is the true measure of the depth of your friendship.
A sad reality of life is that it is when we fall on bad times, that we come to know who our real friends are. When you are doing well, you tend to attract more people who are happy to be your friends. But most of them who flock to you because of your power or wealth, vanish the minute you lose your usefulness to them. Such friends are commonly referred to as “fair weather friends”.
Our friendships influence our mental well-being as well as physical health. Studies have found that strong social supports improve a person’s prospects for good health and longevity. Conversely, loneliness and a lack of social supports have been linked to an increased risk of heart disease, viral infections, and cancer, as well as higher mortality rates overall.
For me personally, my friends are almost like family. I turn to them for the slightest issue, and to share the smallest good news. I enjoy spending time with them, and feel a burst of dopamine every time I interact with them. I have made it a point to have at least one vacation with just my friends every year for the last ten years. It is my biggest stress buster, and rejuvenation technique.
During the present lock-down, technology has helped me stay connected with friends over video conference calls, which we do once or twice a week just to share our thoughts and have a virtual meet up.
Some wise man has said that one is an average of the people one spends one’s time with. So, besides your life partner, some family members, colleagues (who you are forced to spend time with), it is important to spend time with the kind of person(s) you want to be. And that is what makes the choice of your friends absolutely important.
It is said that the best way to have good friends, is to be a good friend. So, if you want to have great friends, be the kind of friend you would like to have — a friend who is dependable, trustworthy, fun to be with and has the back of his friend(s). I would like to hear your views about friendship, and discuss your friendships or absence of good friends in your life if that is the case. Let me know what you think.
