Things are not what they look like…

I have always been the kind of person who takes everything on face value — a trait that I think I have inherited from my late father. This has held me in good stead many times because it keeps things simple. I tend to start by trusting any new person I come across, believing everything they say, and assuming that they will always keep their part of the bargain if I kept mine.

This has many advantages. As I mentioned above, it keeps things simple. It helps build my own credibility. People usually find me easy to trust and confide in. It helps to build rapport with all kinds of people. And it helps me avoid over-thinking and sleep better.

But it also has many disadvantages. It makes me vulnerable to being taken advantage of. It makes it easier for people to cheat me, or go back on their word. (But it also helps me understand human nature and makes me wiser for the experience.)

In recent years, I have had more than one experience where someone I knew went back on their promise, or lied about what they claimed to have done or had promised to do. These experiences have come from people whom I had trusted or had some expectations from.

Many of these experiences were about monetary matters where I was involved in a financial transaction with someone and the other party did not keep their part of the deal after promising something. In other cases it was about a situation where the other person perceived some kind of imaginary threat to their position from me and instead of communicating openly with me decided to say something or do something else altogether, perhaps with an instinct for self-preservation.

The lessons for me are:

1. When it comes to money matters, people behave in strange ways. So, don’t trust anyone with money unless it is an amount you can let go of. Or have a documented contract that can be enforced lawfully. Or just don’t get into a transaction with someone, if your intuition gives you the slightest warning.
2. When it comes to any other aspect, don’t expect people to behave in an open and trustworthy way if there is the slightest threat to their own sense of self-preservation. Ideally, do not have any expectation from anyone. You can never predict how someone will behave. My usual assumption is that the other person will behave the way I would if I was in their position. This is seldom correct. People behave in the strangest ways and their selfish intents often mislead them into acting contrary to common sense.
3. Not everyone says what they actually mean. Not everyone does what they say they will do. Not everyone says what they actually do. Not everyone does what they claim to have done. And not everyone acts the way you would if you were in their place. A person’s behaviour is governed by their own values, circumstances, mindsets, inherited traits and sometimes socio-economic situations. You can never know what is going on in their mind or their world, even if you think they are very close to you. So, always be ready for surprises when another person is involved.

Not sure if I made any sense above, but I will be happy to hear your thoughts.